Hi Open,

Here’s what’s been going down for me the last couple of days. I would sure appreciate a reflection.

The Spring Equinox has always been a day of great significance for me. This year, I was gifted with an unusual experience that now seems to be sprouting and growing more each day.

At the end of my meditation, a Golden Light Being appeared above me and entered me from my head down. He/She was genderless, roughly shaped like a human but otherwise formless, and consisted of what looked like golden dust. Millions of tiny golden particles together, shaping this humanoid light being. As it entered me, I could immediately feel this energy starting to course through my body and adjusting itself to it, as if it was trying to fit into a body suit. It became instantly clear where the body suit was ‘tight’ and needed to expand. The place I felt it the most was around the chest area, and there was a considerable amount of discomfort as I felt that area literally being ‘stretched’ out for the energy to flow more freely.

The energy needed to move for more expansion to happen and so I got up and moved with it. It stretched my heart area so hard, it literally pushed one of my Shadows out for me to have a good look at.

As I moved with this being, I could feel it as myself, and I was able to experience what it felt like - what I felt like. The first thing that stood out was the lack of gender. As this being, I was neither a man nor a woman. I was just... an energy. And as this feeling grew stronger, I found it increasingly difficult to identify with my own body which clearly is of feminine form and has all sorts of other identifications attached to it. This energy felt no identification with the fact that I am a woman, what my body looked like, or how it behaved. It was only interested in one thing. To have a vehicle to express itself through.

Interestingly enough, my physical body has been going through quite an intense transformation these last 3 months. When my kundalini activation kicked in I completely lost my appetite and essentially my interest in food altogether. As a result, I have lost about 25 pounds, and I wasn’t all that big before, so I’m practically skin and bones now. This physical change has resulted in me also losing quite a few of my feminine curves, revealing a more androgynous look than what I am used to identifying with. I have been a bit uncomfortable with this unfamiliar androgynous body and felt like I was losing part of my feminine identity. But just today after a few days with this genderless being inside me, it suddenly hit me as I was looking in the mirror, that this new physical form is a perfect reflection of this new energy and then something fell into place. Something integrated.

The other thing that I’m beginning to experience more and more is its formlessness. As the identification with the body is slowly loosening its grip, I’m starting to have feelings and visions of being a ball of light, shooting out bolts of energy and sparks from my centre. ‘Lighting things up’ if you will. There is a growing sensation that I’m both inside my body and outside and that I can move in and out of it. That I’m not actually entirely imprisoned by it. I’m also feeling that the soul in this state can actually move at the speed of light. I’m not fully experiencing this, but I can feel that the capacity is there.

Open, if you can clarify for me what you think I’m experiencing I would greatly appreciate it. 🙏🏻

Just as all this started, I saw this video and I started to cry because this is exactly what it feels like... (And just to be clear. It’s not the woman in the video that I identified with...😉)

Love,

Anastasia