On day 4 I woke up much more open and energised than usually, enjoyed yoga, which always brings me into the body and allows to breath, then meditation, ate my favourite breakfast - apple, persimmon and almond salad with cacao nibs, cinnamon and coconut cream, and went out into the day. It was sunny and nice. Then I met somebody who said something that triggered a process for the whole day, but I accepted it and worked to bring positivity and lightness while being in that process, notice the good and beautiful stuff without avoiding the triggered feelings and sensations.

In the evening I met a friend, walked, danced at home and meditated more. In the end of the day I just felt so loved and happy to be.

Today, on day 5, the whole day turned to be a surprise. First of all, there was no promised rain, it was sunny again. I felt like going to see my family. I waited for my sister to come near a fountain and instantly got a message. The fountain was a combination of different shapes and heights of water, and they all worked in unison. Plus, there was this pulsation. There was a phase when all of streams would go quiet and then a phase when they all burst together. I kind of got caught in this slow, calm pace in my life, very minimalistic, minimum activity, then there are moments that demand some action and energy, but I feel clinging on this peace and quiet and won't apply to these more vigorous kinds of flow. So I could see where I resist and how I can become more sensitive to the 'orchestra' and 'play my note' when it is time for me to do it. Plus, it had to do with aligning my own system, as an instrument, realising that all parts of me create and participate in the moment, so really learning to listen, feel and 'play' all my instruments right.

Then I had this question - I feel stuck and clumsy in so many aspects, there is this internal conflict so often, how do I make sure I don't miss the tune. I just could see there is no perfection in the grounded reality, not in this fountain too. So it is okay not to be perfect. I feel so guilty for not being perfect, for making mistakes, for hurting myself and people in my life in some way, having some negative impact. But it is a part of learning here, for us all. The point is to act and then learn. Then audio-mixing popped in my mind... I haven't been making music for quite a while, waiting for something, for the right timing and inspiration. I started learning how to mix a year ago and then dropped it all. In wiki it says: "audio mixing is the process of combining multitrack recordings into a final mono, stereo or surround sound product. In the process of combining the separate tracks, their relative levels (i.e volumes) are adjusted and balanced... In stereo and surround sound mixing, the placement of the tracks within the stereo (or surround) field are adjusted and balanced...". The message is pretty clear.

The second thing that my attention was brought to is trees, magical cute streets with lots of green. I recently miss trailing, forests, nature. I immersed myself into the noise of the city. There were times I couldn't bear it and resisted and contracted. Finally, can be open and in peace in this environment, explored it and found a way through it, if being in it. So it looks like I am invited to work with laziness, get more into motion, shake off the denseness and infuse myself again with nature.

In the evening I danced again, in totally beautiful state. These two days were very shiny, but without disconnection from reality, every day life and I had a feeling of being really here, and in this awareness that both darkness and light pervade everything, and make it all whole. I could see there is no point to escape neither this or the other, that I am invited to find the right balance, in every moment. I always had some problem with mixing these two (mixing again). It was either this or that.

So mixing and shining... While I am still in some kind of cocoon, and going deeper and deeper 'underground', it doesn't mean I can't shine and reach out for the light and let it in.

Thank you for the beautiful pics and for making a version of home-retreat - so effective. I can only imagine how powerful it is where you are.

<3