Thank you Open, reminding me what seems to be just lingering these days.

Death—

Martin’s mother passed last month. He was home in Ireland with his ten siblings. Still the black sheep, learning more and more about himself and his orientation in the world. I ask myself how and who will I be: what is my orientation when a loved one dies?

Death—

It has been an in-your-face, universal topic for discussion as well as just downright manipulation to create fear over the last two years. Something that I never thought I would be thinking about on a weekly basis. Anticipating people dying. Trying to avoid lethal injections. Watching others go bonkers to “survive.” Listening to very mean accusations that created visceral separation. My children have been introduced to stress and trauma I was not at all anticipating as a mother. Everyone in my immediate family seems to be injected and hangin’ in there just fine. Haven’t heard of anyone in my global circle dying of anything these past 2 yrs. Am I just absolutely crazy??...as I have chosen to stay away from the needle and pray profusely that my children stay protected since their father figures are pushing it.

Death—

Presently, there is a wag-the-dog war again, hyping up the emotions globally. Playing on the nerves and dragging death through the coals to light up a fire of fear.

Death—

Now that it is on everyone’s mind—wow!—do you think we can look it in the eye and call it for what it really is? Something that creates an ending that then leads to a new beginning. Over and over and over again. The cycle of life that is more celebratory than not??

Death—

So I have observed myself, priming my heart and mind for imminent death, not mine per se but my family and friends that have been injected. There for awhile I was anticipating everyone in my town to fall over. I have wished a quick death on my ex to make my life easier. I wonder what my nieces and nephews might feel if their parents die. Can I take them under my wing? Waiting for enough deaths to prove a point — there is EVIL in the world or at least some bullshit that is making all of our lives more complicated than beautiful and calm. Anticipating many deaths which will reek havoc on the economy — blah blah blah blah — the wonderment goes on. What the hell am I focusing on ?!? Sit and breathe and listen, Gwyn.

Death—

I don’t really like thinking about the "if" my siblings might die much sooner than I thought. I really love all four of them and have dreamt of a few more “family” gatherings to make beautiful memories. My parents—they are rarely a part of the grand kiddos' lives, so I am not so sad if they pass. Whatever! Oh lord--how could I say such things? At this point, I feel like I have thrown out my family as I have most everything else under the sun. The constructs of everything just turned inside out and upside down.

Death—

I just don’t seem to have sadness quelling up as the emotion for death.

I feel more of a celebration. I feel more of a “same as it every was” syndrome. I feel more of an acceptance of the universe doing a cleansing and detox. I am not confused about death — I just don’t see it as important, like the “war” in Ukraine or whether my county will ever lift the mask mandate. I don’t really care or have much to say about it. I feel a “I told you so” wanting to blurt out, yet, it is trumped by the feeling of compassion for all of humanity as we ride out this wave of inevitable uncomfortableness. I feel a lot of vibrations in my body. I feel a headache and lump in my stomach, a void in my heart. I feel a lot these days: Breathe breathe and breathe some more.

Death—

Spring is approaching …