i will have to reject  this fear in this work  though other things  so close  to me!!!     its been half a day  and half  a night  working through the fear  generated  by i might not make it   if i dont get it right..  im trying as hard as i can  and harder than that even..  now im angry  to think   its still not good enough..   this anger  like a snake   raises  its hood  to   this fear  and hisses  at you Open  and  to  anyone  perpetrating  an end time  darkness  where i might not make it...  its not my fucking fault  the world is insane  and disrespectfull  to my beloved friend  tara  earth..  ive allways been in a good place   and  derailed as fuck  by  the dark..   fine..   just fine..  kill me then GOD..   i couldnt have tried any harder..  and fuck you  too..    i thought this was about love..   ive  tried   my  best!  ill please be 201  exctinct  species..   a quiet  humble  silent  not responsible  death.   if you want   to hurt me  just go ahead..  i have been true... ive given everything  for  you  and you  have to know that..  if death is  your  response  well fine..   go ahead  asshole..   ive sacrificed for you   my entire  life!!!   i cant embrace i havent been enough..    YOU   havent been enough..  with your silent  and hard to  acheive ways..   just fuck you  GOD..   IM SORRY.. thats my highest truth  at this point..  you make it too  hard to  be with you.  something makes it too hard...   i was  and am a willing  heart  .. i do not accept  i might not make it...