I am right there with you Jen -- failure -- and how it is coming up for me is with FRAUD layered in deception and being an imposter.

Next Tuesday is my trial date, the divorce will be finalized. Once again in a lifetime I am asked to stand up and defend myself.

AM I truly who I say that I am. DIG DEEP How can I be?
Am I really the caring mother I am portraying myself as? TRIGGER Don't label me and make me be a mother.
Am I really prepared to be fully responsible for my part of this deal? RESPONSIBILITY Ouch--shadow and inner youngling rebounding inside. You have been here before, Gwyn. Divorce, co-parenting. Nothing is fair in 3D. It is always a battle for what you perceive to want.
Grace and grit. What the heck is SOUL asking for?

Brutal honesty--I want dad to pay me and get out of the way with parenting. I want freedom to be myself at all times. Instead I have to co-parent with someone I deceived myself into a contract for 10+ yrs. I did that. Soul perfectly placed me there. Unravel, unwind, unattached...I placed myself in a relationship for breaking up the karma, life lessons, and potential release of whatever the $@^*#+% I did lifetimes ago.
I am here--not a victim. I am here, very much a sentient being that has an over abundance of patience and trust. I am here to learn, as Open says, "to push up against the density." I have the upper hand--I do the pushing up against--density does not push me!

Truth--when anything is presented to me as an adventure or fun or an exploration, I will dive into this with such joy. When presented with the 3D messy and ugliness of immature relationships, deceit and fraud, there is NO joy. There is only a big dark hole of doing it alone. Ego and Shadow show up happy to steer things for me. I feel that in the moment vigilance regarding the shadow is so important and so easily set to the side. I am a fraud. I don't want to confront failure. So the shadow poser shows up -- spiritual guidance, the inquistitor -- talk yourself out of this, lie and stay in the passive space of safety, girl.

YET--when I really sit with this, I feel it is important to take stock of what has been showing up for me. Yes, I am on trial. How am i going to BE when asked questions? How am i going to be heard and seen? Think of the energy, the torus. What's the worst that can happen? Remember how others see me. They see the gratitude and the compassion and the joy that shines through. It is not a hoax. It is not a pretense.
Beloved whispers: Gwynnie, you truly do radiate. So much beauty is there. AND get your little tush in gear! Dig deeper! Find those nuggets of inspirational UMPH! You have it within you. That's why you are still standing--and standing in your power. It may be a bit turned down at the moment--get out of your head and into your heart and then into those hands of yours. Turn on the music. Sweep the floor. Draw and sing and breathe deeply. Bend and stretch and bow down to nature. You know this dance and the steps very well.