Straight off, what comes up for me watching this video is a remembering of familiar but inactive sense of expansive freedom. Tears come at remembering that feeling and the desire to override my current angst with it, but also recognizing the angst is right where I need o be. Can't find the words to describe it but it feels great and one I've embodied in the past during times of security. When I feel secure it opens space for exploring and immersing in that feeling. Authentic beingness wanting to come out, more urgently than ever, like something stuck and trying to claw it's way out, and the sadness from having turned away from myself for so long. Working through some intense stuff yesterday that seemed to connect with the weather which was dense and oppressive. But then the energy began to shift in the early afternoon. The sky cleared and something about the quality of the light held me, and these friendly 'brain' clouds began to appear and with them a lightening and ease; deeper understanding. I saw a gold-coloured VW Bug pass by not sensing the meaning but feeling a significance, and when I went to choose a crystal, I had been initially drawn to the piece of polished pyrite that looks like gold. Synchronicities over couple days drawing me to tiger so I chose tiger eye, another crystal with gold-like aspects. Personally, a beautiful invitation to explore that very thing: authentic beingness, which ties in well with the inquiry of how I unconsciously seek out to attach myself to someone 'safe' and advanced when I'm triggered by unresolved fears. i can see in my mind my little girl, wide-eyed and panicked, seeking someone safe to shelter from the storm. Lost in a mall, terrified and looking for my dad. Still looking for my dad. Started Resurrection last night and the light bulb moment: "Ah yes, of course, it's ME I'm to seek. I'M the shelter, I'm the dad, I'm the Messiah that will save me" and the giggling that comes up at the possibility. How secure i could feel when i finally start trusting "Big Captain" to take he wheel. Like the song "Closer to the Heart" by Rush: "You will be the captain and I will draw the charts, sailing into destiny, closer to the heart". A wellspring of mirth bubbling up. Whenn I can trust myself and rely on myself I can see the people-pleasing, the neediness and clinging, the repitive, unconscious attention-seeking, the WAITING, waiting for someone or something to save me, it all falls away and makes room for authenticity and flow. And with that a return to that state that feels so free and possible. To get back to the starting point and on the path I kept derailing myself from since I was a teen. Gratitude for the feedback!🙏 barb (sylvanheart; forgot to log in)