I've been feeling a lot as a of late, many different things swirling around internally.  The noise is getting so loud that it's impossible to ignore anymore.  The mind softening after many years of intellectualizing, justifying and rationalizing.  Things are now beginning to land within the body with greater awareness, a sense of knowingness.  It still feels overwhelming at times especially if my mind grabs a hold of this new awareness landing.  

One of the things that comes up for me is that I have 4 young daughters, what about them in all of this?  To me it's another layer of inner exploration.  The being knows that there is no figuring this out in the mind.  What initially comes up is this overwhelming and all-consuming grief.  I feel it all over my body and my being reverts back to old trauma response of freeze and fawn.  For some reason this exploration seems different this time around.  My higher mind and soul are speaking loudly, you know what you need to do.  The lower self is fighting but it feels different this time around.  There is an internal softening and letting go happening.

When I reflect upon the fires in California, they symbolize an internal fire happening.  It's as if anything that isn't aligned with soul is being burned away.  Creating space for the more aligned divine aspects of us to emerge out.  These internal fires are impossible to ignore anymore.  We all have these fires burning inside and I feel it is up to us to feel into what they speak of.

As far as the volcanoes and earthquakes go.  I feel they are just reminding us that it's time to awaken and emerge out!  We can only put a cap on our souls for long before it erupts out.  No longer bury the head in the sand, no more mental maturbation.  The mind doesn't have the answers to this Shift.  Even though at times it desperately wants to make sense of it all, the soul knows.  

I went for a walk in the early hours of the morning, it was cold and windy here in Milwaukee.  A block into the walk the mind was chatting and telling me to head back and go jump back in that warm cozy bed.  I listened to the wind, and it gave me strength to continue.  I got to my first fork in the road, go straight and you'll be out of the cold wind or turn right and you'll be walking right into the cold wind.  I knew this time around, there is no more time to dance around what is.  I turned right and walked right into the wind; it was only a matter of moments before I equalized with my choice.  At one point along my walk a door slammed open and made a big noise, it startled me, and I felt to go check it out.  It was a door to a daycare and the door was wide open.  I looked at the door and it had the number 3 on it, I ended up shutting the door.  I thought about what that might be speaking of to me and more current unfolding.  It feels like it has to do with Gateway 3 for me.  Without trying to intellectualize that or put it into words here, I'm just going to hold it internally.  It does speak loudly to what I'm experiencing at the moment.  It feels like this dissolving and letting go process, I'm melting into space.  The word disorientation just came up for me as I write these words, it's funny because on my walk I got disorientated and a bit lost, but I eventually found my way HOME.

Lastly, I pulled a rock from my bag of rocks before I went on my walk.  I wrote many different words on these rocks, and I use them for guidance as I go about my days.  The rock that I pulled today was Devotion. 

Devotion to Emerge Out!

With love, hugs and gratitude,

Chad