The more I contemplated where I am in the process the more comfortable I became with a sense of transition. I was expecting a definite demarcation of "arrival" into Gateway 3. But it seems to have just gently transformed and I am amazed at how much of Gateway 3 I have already naturally processed and accepted. I feel tuned in and aware. I am sorting through and facing my inner panorama of experiences. Accelerated healing and understanding have opened.

My question is does Kundalini Activation ALWAYS express as a super-charged, explosive load? Or might it also present as a natural, flowing experience? I ask this because I am also truly immersed in "confronting past-life karma" and "dissolving shadow-identities" and have been for a very long time. These I understand to be a Gateway 4 attribute, but are strongly influencing my experience right now.

I understand the concept that one can experience essences of multiple gateways at once and each journey is unique. I accept that my experience is what it is and as it should be for me. But I find myself wasting energy waiting for the so-called Kundalini Activation. It's not an obsession with me, just a nagging little awareness. An annoying twinge of "lack." A slight doubt that I "can't" or "shouldn't" be where I am without "properly" following the "rules." I know that sounds silly in the whole scheme of things, but that's my conditioning and I am trying to work through it. This idea of needing "permission" is totally against my natural instinct to just go with it. A remnant of attachment to be softened?

I seem to just be rambling on, caught in a pattern of circular reasoning and will exit this post ungracefully. Maybe someone out there can pick up on where my dissonance lies and help bring clarity. Maybe it will just work itself out. Anyway, here goes with the dreaded Save Button of commitment...