Hi all,

I've been going through quite a process these last weeks, letting go of a lot of old patterns. All ramping up in the last few days. It's like a whirlwind of processes, making it hard to feel into what to focus on.

Letting go and grieving for old relationship with kids as it moves into a new form, same with relationship. Spiritual identity is being thrown out - becoming a beginner again. Fear of being alone. Restlessness, changing from pattern of doing. Challenging old routines, attachments, addiction.

Many questions arising through the day. Here is the latest:

Confronting the comfort zone can be a challenge. For example, I set it in my mind to confront laziness in the morning by getting up early and getting in icy water. However, I notice I do it 'for the sake of' challenging comfort, therefore it becomes a strategy in itself. Spontaneity, however draws me to experiences that give me joy. How to balance these? Is there an element of both in most experience?

For example during meditation I feel some restlessness. I express it and work with the density around this energy. As it eases I notice an energy that still needs to move, but not in such a dense way. Mind says that to keep confronting restlessness I would sit in meditation for hours so that the energy doesn't own me. However, a spontaneous pull is drawing me outside. Going out I feel joy and expansiveness washing over me.

How to confront the comfort zone without becoming too militaristic about it?
How to be fully spontaneous/follow joy without dissipating a process?

Writing I already feel clearer about an answer. Would be interesting to get other people's perspectives though.

Much love

Rich