How can i be hungry for change when life is just about comfortable ,there's always food on the table and my cozy bed to sleep in and everything feels certain for now. And also the fact that there's nothing really 'i' can do to commit to change. Only one way or the other seems to really work for me ,either i'm committed to some particular goal even when it seems only temporally or there is this acceptance that i just have to keep on going and feeling all the while being aware. I like being motivated ,to feel the warrior energy inside myself but only when attached to something. I wish if there was a practical thing i can do to be motivated all the time even if there's nothing particular to do. Even while writing this it occurs to me that this frustration is what i really have to feel. The frustration of being stuck , to find that nothing is really moving as i want it to be. Resentment that i cant find the right words to express myself freely that it gets stuck on the way out. I like to be assured that even while i'm stuck i'm actually progressing but then i look at countless mindless people and see how are they going round and round and reaching nowhere and i'm afraid for myself. I hate to admit this but i'm afraid to change too, to leave behind everything. Life is limiting yes but it's comfortably limiting. I need a sign board that says this way to go now and i will take it. Sometimes i think i can take the extremes of feeling but not this numbness. I want to be assured i'm alive and kicking. Also i feel i don't want to do anything with my feeling. I want to rest with it and feel it fully rather than do anything with it. Because doing sometimes feels like efforting and it does nothing but to take me out of the initial feeling. I have been feeling into the pelvic tightness sometimes it vanishes and sometimes it comes back again but now it feels the pain has flowed outwards from that specific point and its all over the lower region. And always the answer is to feel it deeply. Open you say in the 9 step spiritual approach to express the pain with music or something similar but nothing of that sort works for me. Its always the less glamorous stuff that feels right.